Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
