My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
