Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she told me i tasted like america
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
