So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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