I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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