No stitches, just platelets and will power
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
