Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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