I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
