My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
