Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
