I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
