Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We got so high we made milksteak
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
