On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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