I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
