just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
