where does the pee come out of this thing
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
