Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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