I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
