you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
