he puts the penis in happiness.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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