Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
