just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am available for nakedness
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
