Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
