Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
