she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
