Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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