apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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