i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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