This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
