seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
