The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
