You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
look no pants
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
