it was like his penis was on wheels.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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