You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Maybe he injected his testicle?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
