Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
