Moan for me like Helen Keller
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
