I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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