So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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