I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
