I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need to sanitize my soul.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
