He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You ate ashes out of my bong
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
