Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
