I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
