someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
