Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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