dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
