So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
