all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
