I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
