We won't sleep together?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
