he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
