You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i now understand why vodka
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
