if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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