I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
