Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
