whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
