remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
