Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
