You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
