We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
