i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
