she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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