seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
