Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
