Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
