There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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