He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
