If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
