Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
