WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
