We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
