When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
