Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize