this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
