i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
