Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
