I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
