I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
