Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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