There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
