About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
